I have no problem with getting older. Wrinkles, sagging flesh, extra flesh, aches and pains, being invisible to anyone under the age of 40 … what’s not to love? Yes, the best way to deal with growing old is to become delusional. You have to look in the mirror, and if you are lucky enough to still have good eyesight, squint a bit, so that the reflection you see is blurred. If necessary, steam up the mirror or smear it with vaseline. The point is to only see a reflection in which you don’t look a day over 35. Before you started going off.

Next, you have to delude yourself that growing old is great. List the ways that you love it. Number one is the fact that it is better than being dead. Number two is that you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant any more (if you are a man, make sure your partner is also past it for this one, but no young woman would be interested in you anyway unless you are horribly rich). Number three is that if you had the misfortune of still being young, you would never be able to afford to buy a house.

It helps if you are beginning to lose your marbles, as then you might not realise the full extent of the horror of getting old.  And that it is not going to get any better.

For some reason, survey after survey shows that people start getting happier in their fifties. But have they also studied whether people start becoming more delusional then too? Or maybe these studies focused on people who had a hope of retiring at around 60. If I could do that, that might cheer me up a little.